my life goes on, so does yours

my life in 10 words.

my name is cyrus, i’m awesome, you are not. enjoy.

I can’t even pronounce my own name.

So once upon a time there was a boy. The boy was sad, and who in his place would not be? After all, he did not know how to pronounce his own name. In fact, he knew no one that did. 

So one day, the boy ran away from home and started on a quest. A quest to find someone who could pronounce his name. He faced lots of difficulties along the way, but let me go into depth and actually tell you what some of these difficulties might be.

First he had to cross the Plains of Might. The moment he stepped onto the plains, doubts galore came into his poor little mind. “I might not survive this quest,” was one. “There might not be a way to pronounce my name,” was another. “I might not ever be able to get out of these Plains of Might, and might keep thinking of all these ridiculous things for the rest of my life,” was the most terrifying.

But he did make it out and he found his way to a little village on the other side of the plains. The village was called Sushi, and was inhabited by mermaids and mermen. One mermaid was sitting on a fence post, and she was crying. 

“Whats wrong?” The boy said to her and she looked up. “Oh, its terrible!” She said. “The ocean ran away and now I have no where to swim!”

The boy took pity on her and said, “Well I am on a quest to find someone who can pronounce my name. Come with me, and maybe we will find your ocean along the way.”

The mermaid jumped up with joy and the two started off. “By the way,” said the mermaid as they walked along. “My name is Sue. Whats yours?”

“Sahasdjd;s.” The boy replied and Sue blinked. 

“How is that pronounced?” She asked. 

The boy shrugged. “Thats why I’m on the quest.”

Sue nodded as if she understood. “Oh, yes, I see.” She said. “Maybe its pronounced like….ah, Sasha Spaghetti?” She suggested.

“Um, I hope not…” Said the boy.

And so they continued on their quest and faced many more dangers—er, oh yeah, I was supposed to describe those too, wasn’t I? Oh well, just for an example, they had to go through the Flammable Pits, where it was very dangerous for anyone with hair of any kind to travel. Both Sue and the boy fit that description, and so had to be very careful. Luckily neither one had their hair catch fire more than three times.

When they made it out they came to the next village. This village was called Kay, nine times, and It was inhabited by dogs.

One dog in particular, an old, grey bearded German Shepherd, was sitting on the side of the road looking down as dirt. Sue and the boy approached it.

“Whats the matter?” Said the boy.

“I never learned to chase cars,” The dog sobbed in its German accent, “And now I’m too old to learn! You cant teach an old dog new tricks, you know.”

Sue and the boy took pity on the dog, and the boy said, “Come with us! I’m on a quest to find someone to pronounce my name, and She’s trying to find the runaway ocean. Maybe you can find someone who will turn you into a younger dog so you can learn to chase cars.”

The dog jumped with joy, and then added “OW! my back just ain’t what it used t be!” And so he came with them. 

As they walked, the dog introduced himself. “I’m Roland,” He said. 

“Nice to meet you Roland, I’m Sue.” Said Sue.

“And I’m Sahasdjd;s.” Said the boy. Roland blinked. 

“Um…sure you are, kid, sure…”

“Sasha Spaghetti is on a quest to find someone who can pronounce his name,” Sue said helpfully.

“Oh, I get it!” Exclaimed Roland. “Can I try?”

“You can try,” The boy agreed.

“Its pronounced Sausages.” Said Roland with certainty.

“I certainly hope not,” Said the boy, and they continued on their quest.

They faced many dangers—oh, not this again! I hate this part…well….like they had to go through the Forest of Time, where it seemed they had all the time in the world, and so they kept stopping to rest. Well it turned out that they didn’t have as much time as it seemed and they ended up spending four years in the dreaded forest—

“Four years!” Roland exclaimed. “This knucklehead of a narrator is crazy! First she gives us unbelievably messed up problems, then she sticks us in some random trees for four years! I’m seventy years old here, I don’t have that many years to play around with!”

Oh stop complaining, I could have made it fifty years. You try coming up with challenges, why don’t you.

“I’m an old grumpy senior, I’m supposed to complain.”

Oh fine, only two years then. Happy?

And so they traveled on, Roland grumbling to himself about the irrational lunatic of a narrator(me). Soon they found another village. There was nothing in this village so they passed it by. They came to another village. This one was called Gimmick, and it was inhabited by wizards and mages. Like they found this one wizard sitting in a bar, drunk as a dog.

“Hey!” Roland exclaimed indignantly.

Oops, sorry about the expression. But anyway, the wizard was raving drunk and crying. Sue, Roland, and the boy stepped forward and asked him what was the matter.

“I want to be a main character, but I’m stuck here in this bar as an extra!” The wizard sobbed. “I should be a main character, I have vast unbelievable powers—allow me to demonstrate:” He waved his hand and Roland turned into a cat.

“A cat!” Roland cried, enraged at me(the narrator). “You psychotic prac! And don’t ask me what a prac is, cause I have no idea! You’re the loon making me say all this stuff anyway. What do you have against me? Why are you so cruel? WHY!?”

Hehe, this is amusing.

“Amusing my tail! I’m a freaking cat!”

I like cats.

“You would…”

Hehe, this is fun. But anyway, even though Roland was unbelievably upset about being turned into a cat, Sue and the boy were quick to realize their good fortune. 

“I think we can help you,” Said the boy to the wizard. “And you can help us.” 

The wizard was intrigued. “How so?” He asked and hiccuped.

“Well, we’re all on a quest, you see.” Said the boy, and he indicated himself, Sue, and Roland who was still grumbling about his current species and me, the psychotic narrator. “Roland wants to be transformed into a younger dog so he can learn to chase cars. Sue wants to find the ocean that ran away. I need to find someone who can pronounce my name. And well, you want to be a main character. If you were to help us—”

“OOOH! I GET IT! I GET IT! If I help you all solve your messed up problems, I would be a main character and everyone would live happily ever after!” The wizard exclaimed, jumping for joy. “It sounds crazy—I’ll do it! You there—” He pointed at Roland. “You want to be a younger dog? Too easy!” Roland looked up and blinked at the wizard, having not heard a word of the conversation. He had been too busy, complaining about me, I’ll bet. The wizard waved his hand and Roland became a one year old dog.

“I—I’m YOUNG!” Roland exclaimed, and jumped for Joy. “I forgive you, narrator, for being such a psycho!”

Huray! I feel so special. Anyway, then the wizard turned to Sue. “You want to find the ocean? Too easy!” He took out a map and handed it to her. “See that right there?” He pointed to a place on the map. “Thats where the ocean is.” The mermaid took the map and jumped for joy. “How can I ever thank you enough!?” She exclaimed, giving the wizard all the credit and not me. Oh well, cant win em all I suppose.

And last, the wizard turned to the boy. “You want to know how to pronounce your name? Too easy! And now the moment everyone reading this story has been waiting for—Its pronounced Sahasdjd;s.” He said, pronouncing the name with perfect accuracy.

“Hey—yeah! IT IS!” Sahasdjd;s exclaimed and jumped for joy. “I’M SAHASDJD;S! I’M SAHASDJD;S!”

And so with that, all the problems were solved, the wizard became a main character, and everyone went home and lived happily ever after—well, except Sahasdjd;s, who got grounded for the rest of his life for running away.

day 1

I met a reallllly cute girl today. she was super dope, her name was Day 1.

She was really funny, until she told me the joke.

“Hey Cyrus, wanna hear a joke?”

“Sure man, why not.”

“Why was 6 afraid of 7?”

“Because 7 ate 9?”

“No, because 7 was a fucking rapist.”

It was a no-go for me after that and it all went down hill.

i feel like i wasted my time again.

I was running today, everything was chill, until someone asked me for the time. I tried looking for my watch, until I realized.. I didn’t have a watch! So, I had to ask Princess Bubblegum from the show Adventure Time and asked her to lead me to Princess Time, and she lead me over the rainbow to Leprechaun Island, and once I met her, I asked for the time and a watch.

She only said these words, “We play in a game of heads and tails, I flip, but you call it.”

I was like, “Sweet! Okay, Heads, I win, Tails, you lose..”

She agreed. As Princess Time flipped the almighty coin, It was as if it was in slow motion as it was being tossed into the air..

it felt like 30 days have passed..

the coin has finally landed.

and it landed..

on it’s motherfucking side.

I felt like I wasted my time, which sucks, because I lose, and I still didn’t know the time. 

so I continued running.

fin.

the cute girl

rochelle, you’re probably reading this

and going, what the fuck.

Well, you didn’t say WHICH private blog, and obviously this is my private blog. 

It was so worth it making up all these weird stories though.

LOOPHOLES FTW!

At least I get to talk to you still. So, wanna watch that movie anyways?